How To Help a FriendYOU CAN HELP

Most survivors of sexual and relationship violence disclose the assault or corruption to at least i other person, usually a friend. You lot tin't rescue your friend or solve their issues. But being at that place to listen, believe and support your friend in a positive fashion tin profoundly influence their healing process. The following suggestions/information can help you be a supportive friend.

Listen and Support

Information technology's tough to be prepared when a friend tells you that they been the victim of sexual or relationship abuse. Faced with that state of affairs, the worst thing you tin can exercise is nothing. Call up, you lot tin't rescue your friends or solve their problems. You tin can only provide back up.

  • Support and understanding are essential. It takes a lot of courage for a survivor to share their feel;
  • Try to provide a safe/not-judgmental environment, emotional condolement, and support for the survivor to express feelings;
  • Let them know that they can talk with you. Mind. Don't rush to provide solutions.

Believe Your Friend

The most common reason people cull non to tell anyone about sexual corruption is the fear that the listener won't believe them. People rarely lie or exaggerate well-nigh abuse; if someone tells you, it'south because they trust you and needs someone to talk to.

Above all else, believe.

  • People rarely brand up stories of abuse. It is not necessary for you to determine if they were "actually hurt." If the survivor says they were hurt, that should be enough;
  • Believe what your friend tells y'all. Information technology may take been difficult for them to talk to you lot and trust you lot.

Reassure

  • Sexual assault is NEVER the survivor's fault. No 1 asks to be sexually assaulted by what they wearable, say or exercise. Allow the survivor know that but the perpetrator is to blame;
  • The survivor needs to hear that fears, anxieties, guilt, and anger are normal, understandable and acceptable emotions;
  • Remember, no one ever deserves to be abused or harassed.

Be Patient

  • Don't press for details – let your friend decide how much they want to share. Ask them how you can help;
  • Survivors have to struggle with complex decisions and feelings of powerlessness, trying to make decisions for them may just increment that sense of powerlessness.
  • You lot can be supportive by helping your friend to identify all the available options and then assist past supporting their determination-making procedure.
  • The survivor can't just "forget it" or simply move on. Recovery is a long term procedure and each individual moves at their own footstep.

Encourage

  • Encourage the survivor to seek medical attending, written report the assault, and or contact SHARPP. Remember, the survivor must ultimately brand the decision equally to what to do. They are the skillful in their own lives. Don't push button. Call back, support your friend's choices no matter what they decide.

Respect Privacy

  • Don't tell others what the survivor tells yous. Let the private determine who they will tell. It is of import non to share information with others who are non involved;
  • If you exercise need to share information for your friend'south safety, get permission past letting your friend know what you will share and with whom information technology will be shared;
  • Don't confront the perpetrator. Though yous might want to set up the situation or get back at the abuser, this could make things worse, for yous and your friend.

Establish Prophylactic

  • An important part of helping the survivor is to identify ways in which the survivor can re-establish their sense of concrete and emotional safety. You are a step in the process. Ask your friend what would make they feel safe and how you tin assistance them accomplish this.
  • If the stalking or harassment is ongoing, help your friend to develop a plan of what to do if they are in immediate danger. Having a specific program and preparing in advance tin be important if the violence escalates.
  • SHARPP can assist with creating rubber plans that are specific to the situation and individuals involved.

Things you can say

Information technology is hard to know what to say to a friend when they confide in you. Refrain from asking a lot of questions, instead, back up your friend with these phrases:

  • It's not your fault
  • I'one thousand sorry this happened
  • I believe you
  • How can I help you?
  • I am glad you told me
  • I'll support your choices
  • You're not alone

You may too find it helpful to share with your friend what yous have learned well-nigh violence. This is also a good time to share with them your belief in the possibility to heal. Let your friend know that you believe that them and that they take strength and capacity to heal.

Get Support for Yourself

Sometimes the family and friends of victims tin can also feel the affect of the criminal offence and experience emotional and physical reactions. This is called secondary victimization. Hearing about relationship abuse, sexual assail, and stalking can be upsetting. You may feel aroused, sad, frustrated, and helpless. If you lot have experienced crime or other traumatic events in the past, your friend'southward feel might bring up memories and feelings of that time. You may desire to talk near your feelings just likewise respect your friend's privacy. You too tin contact SHARPP and speak to an advocate confidentially to get assist for yourself.

If you lot have questions near whatever of the material on this page, please call SHARPP at (603) 862-3494 or reach out online via our webchat.

Retrieve, yous tin can't rescue your friend or solve their problems.

Only beingness there to listen, believe and support your friend in a positive mode tin can greatly influence their healing procedure.