Why Did I Enjoy My Rape So Much That I Hope It Happens Again

ptsd & trauma

Recovering from Rape and Sexual Trauma

Recovering from sexual set on takes fourth dimension, and the healing process can exist painful. Just you can regain your sense of control, rebuild your self-worth, and learn to heal.

The aftermath of rape and sexual trauma

Sexual violence is shockingly mutual in our society. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), nearly 1 in 5 women in the U.S. are raped or sexually assaulted at some betoken in their lives, often by someone they know and trust. In some Asian, African, and Middle Eastern countries, that effigy is even higher. And sexual assault isn't limited to women; many men and boys suffer rape and sexual trauma each yr.

Regardless of age or gender, the impact of sexual violence goes far beyond whatever physical injuries. The trauma of being raped or sexually assaulted can be shattering, leaving you feeling scared, ashamed, and lonely or plagued by nightmares, flashbacks, and other unpleasant memories. The globe doesn't feel like a condom identify anymore. Yous no longer trust others. You don't fifty-fifty trust yourself. You may question your judgment, your self-worth, and even your sanity. You may arraign yourself for what happened or believe that you're "dingy" or "damaged goods." Relationships feel dangerous, intimacy impossible. And on superlative of that, like many rape survivors, yous may struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression.

Information technology's of import to recall that what you're experiencing is a normal reaction to trauma. Your feelings of helplessness, shame, defectiveness, and self-blame are symptoms, not reality. No thing how hard information technology may seem, with these tips and techniques, you tin come to terms with what happened, regain your sense of rubber and trust, and larn to heal and move on with your life.

Myths and facts about rape and sexual assault

Dispelling the toxic, victim-blaming myths well-nigh sexual violence tin can assistance y'all start the healing process.

Myths and facts about rape and sexual assault
Myth: You tin spot a rapist by the mode he looks or acts. Fact: There's no surefire way to identify a rapist. Many appear completely normal, friendly, charming, and non-threatening.
Myth: If you didn't fight back, you must not have thought information technology was that bad. Fact: During a sexual assault, it's extremely mutual to freeze. Your brain and trunk shuts down in shock, making it hard to move, speak, or recall.
Myth: People who are raped "ask for it" by the way they dress or human action. Fact: Rape is a criminal offense of opportunity. Studies show that rapists cull victims based on their vulnerability, not on how sexy they announced or how flirtatious they are.
Myth: Engagement rape is often a misunderstanding. Fact: Date rapists often defend themselves past challenge the assault was a drunken mistake or miscommunication. Simply enquiry shows that the vast bulk of date rapists are repeat offenders. These men target vulnerable people and oftentimes ply them with alcohol in club to rape them.
Myth: It's not rape if yous've had sex with the person before. Fact: Just considering you've previously consented to sex with someone doesn't give them perpetual rights to your body. If your spouse, boyfriend, or lover forces sex against your will, it's rape.

Recovering from rape or sexual trauma step i: Open up up near what happened to yous

Information technology can exist extraordinarily difficult to admit that you were raped or sexually assaulted. There's a stigma attached. It tin make you lot experience dirty and weak. Yous may also exist afraid of how others will react. Volition they judge you? Await at you differently? Information technology seems easier to downplay what happened or keep it a secret. But when you stay silent, you deny yourself aid and reinforce your victimhood.

Reach out to someone you trust. Information technology's mutual to think that if you lot don't talk virtually your rape, it didn't really happen. But you can't heal when you're avoiding the truth. And hiding only adds to feelings of shame. As scary equally information technology is to open up, it volition fix you lot free. However, it's important to be selective almost who y'all tell, especially at first. Your best bet is someone who will be supportive, empathetic, and at-home. If you don't have someone you lot trust, talk to a therapist or call a rape crunch hotline.

Claiming your sense of helplessness and isolation. Trauma leaves y'all feeling powerless and vulnerable. It's important to remind yourself that you have strengths and coping skills that tin can become you through tough times. One of the best ways to reclaim your sense of power is by helping others: volunteer your time, give blood, achieve out to a friend in need, or donate to your favorite charity.

Consider joining a back up group for other rape or sexual abuse survivors. Support groups tin can assist you feel less isolated and alone. They also provide invaluable information on how to cope with symptoms and work towards recovery. If you lot tin can't find a support grouping in your expanse, expect for an online group.

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Pace 2: Cope with feelings of guilt and shame

Even if you lot intellectually understand that yous're not to blame for the rape or sexual attack, you lot may notwithstanding struggle with a sense of guilt or shame. These feelings tin surface immediately post-obit the assault or arise years later the assault. But as y'all admit the truth of what happened, it will be easier to fully accept that you are not responsible. You lot did not bring the assault on yourself and you lot have aught to be aback most.

Feelings of guilt and shame oft stem from misconceptions such as:

You didn't finish the assault from happening. Later on the fact, it's easy to 2d judge what you did or didn't practice. But when you're in the midst of an set on, your brain and body are in shock. You can't remember clearly. Many people say they feel "frozen." Don't gauge yourself for this natural reaction to trauma. You lot did the all-time you could nether extreme circumstances. If yous could have stopped the assault, y'all would accept.

You trusted someone you "shouldn't" have. Ane of the virtually difficult things to deal with following an assault by someone you know is the violation of trust. It'south natural to beginning questioning yourself and wondering if you missed warning signs. Simply remember that your assaulter is the only one to arraign. Don't beat yourself upwardly for bold that your attacker was a decent human existence. Your assaulter is the one who should feel guilty and ashamed, not yous.

You lot were drunk or not cautious enough. Regardless of the circumstances, the only i who is responsible for the assault is the perpetrator. You lot did not ask for it or deserve what happened to you. Assign responsibleness where information technology belongs: on the rapist.

Step iii: Set up for flashbacks and upsetting memories

When you go through something stressful, your body temporarily goes into "fight-or-flight" mode. When the threat has passed, your torso calms downward. Simply traumatic experiences such equally rape can cause your nervous system to become stuck in a land of high alarm. You're hypersensitive to the smallest of stimuli. This is the case for many rape survivors.

Flashbacks, nightmares, and intrusive memories are extremely common, especially in the first few months following the assault. If your nervous organization remains "stuck" in the long-term and you develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), they tin can last much longer.

To reduce the stress of flashbacks and upsetting memories:

Try to anticipate and prepare for triggers. Common triggers include anniversary dates; people or places associated with the rape; and certain sights, sounds, or smells. If you are aware of what triggers may cause an upsetting reaction, y'all'll be in a better position to understand what's happening and have steps to calm downwards.

Pay attention to your body's danger signals. Your body and emotions give yous clues when you lot're starting to feel stressed and unsafe. These clues include feeling tense, belongings your breath, racing thoughts, shortness of breath, hot flashes, dizziness, and nausea.

Take immediate steps to self-soothe. When you notice whatever of the to a higher place symptoms, it'southward important to chop-chop act to at-home yourself down before they spiral out of command. One of the quickest and almost effective ways to at-home anxiety and panic is to boring downwards your animate.

Soothe panic with this simple breathing exercise

• Sit or stand comfortably with your back direct. Put i hand on your breast and the other on your stomach.
• Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to iv. The paw on your stomach should ascension. The hand on your chest should move very niggling.
• Hold your breath for a count of seven.
• Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you tin while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other paw should move very niggling.
• Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you lot feel relaxed and centered.

Tips for dealing with flashbacks

It'due south not ever possible to preclude flashbacks. But if you detect yourself losing bear upon with the present and feeling similar the sexual set on is happening all over again, there are deportment you can take.

Accept and reassure yourself that this is a flashback, not reality. The traumatic event is over and you survived. Here'south a simple script that can aid: "I am feeling [panicked, frightened, overwhelmed, etc.] because I am remembering the rape/sexual assail, just every bit I look effectually I tin see that the assault isn't happening correct now and I'k not actually in danger."

Ground yourself in the present. Grounding techniques tin can help you direct your attention abroad from the flashback and back to your present environs. For example, try tapping or touching your artillery or describing your bodily environment and what you lot see when you expect around—name the place where you are, the current engagement, and three things you lot meet when you look around.

Step iv: Reconnect to your body and feelings

Since your nervous system is in a hypersensitive state following a rape or attack, you may start trying to numb yourself or avoid any associations with the trauma. Only you can't selectively numb your feelings. When you shut down the unpleasant sensations, y'all also shut down your cocky-sensation and capacity for joy. You end upwards disconnected both emotionally and physically—existing, but non fully living.

Signs that yous're fugitive and numbing in unhelpful means:

Feeling physically close downwardly. You don't feel bodily sensations like you lot used to (you might even have trouble differentiating between pleasure and pain).

Feeling separate from your body or surroundings (you may feel like y'all're watching yourself or the state of affairs you're in, rather than participating in it).

Having problem concentrating and remembering things.

Using stimulants, risky activities, or concrete hurting to feel live and counteract the empty feeling inside of y'all.

Compulsively using drugs or booze.

Escaping through fantasies, daydreams, or excessive TV, video games, etc.

Feeling detached from the globe, the people in your life, and the activities you used to enjoy.

To recover after rape, y'all need to reconnect to your body and feelings

Information technology's frightening to get dorsum in touch on with your body and feelings post-obit a sexual trauma. In many ways, rape makes your trunk the enemy, something that's been violated and contaminated—something you may hate or want to ignore. It'due south also scary to face the intense feelings associated with the assault. Merely while the procedure of reconnecting may experience threatening, it'due south not really dangerous. Feelings, while powerful, are not reality. They won't injure yous or bulldoze you insane. The truthful danger to your concrete and mental wellness comes from avoiding them.

Once yous're back in touch with your torso and feelings, you lot volition experience more safe, confident, and powerful. Y'all can accomplish this through the following techniques:

Rhythmic movement. Rhythm can be very healing. It helps us relax and regain a sense of command over our bodies. Anything that combines rhythm and motion will piece of work: dancing, drumming, marching. You can even comprise information technology into your walking or running routine by concentrating on the back and forth movements of your arms and legs.

Mindfulness meditation. You can practise mindfulness meditation anywhere, even while y'all are walking or eating. Simply focus on what you lot're feeling in the present movement—including any actual sensations and emotions. The goal is to observe without judgement.

Yoga, Tai Chi, and Qigong. These activities combine body sensation with relaxing, focused motility and tin help relieve symptoms of PTSD and trauma.

Massage. Later on rape, you may feel uncomfortable with homo touch on. But touching and being touched is an important fashion nosotros give and receive affection and comfort. Yous tin can begin to reopen yourself to human contact through massage therapy.

A powerful program for reconnecting to your feelings and physical sensations

HelpGuide'south free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit can aid y'all recover later rape by reconnecting you to uncomfortable or frightening emotions without becoming overwhelmed. Yous can apply the toolkit in conjunction with therapy, or on its ain. Over time, it can make a huge difference in your ability to manage stress, balance your moods and emotions, and take back control of your life.

Footstep 5: Stay connected

It'south common to feel isolated and disconnected from others following a sexual assault. You may feel tempted to withdraw from social activities and your loved ones. Only it'due south important to stay connected to life and the people who care well-nigh you. Support from other people is vital to your recovery. But remember that support doesn't mean that yous e'er accept to talk well-nigh or dwell on what happened. Having fun and laughing with people who care about you can exist equally healing.

Participate in social activities, even if you don't feel similar information technology. Exercise "normal" things with other people, things that have nothing to practise with the sexual trauma.

Reconnect with one-time friends. If you've retreated from relationships that were once important to you, make the effort to reconnect.

Make new friends. If you live alone or far from family and friends, try to reach out and make new friends. Take a class or join a club to meet people with similar interests, connect to an alumni association, or attain out to neighbors or piece of work colleagues.

Step six: Nurture yourself

Healing from sexual trauma is a gradual, ongoing process. It doesn't happen overnight, nor do the memories of the trauma e'er disappear completely. This tin can make life seem difficult at times. But there are many steps yous can take to cope with the residual symptoms and reduce your anxiety and fear.

Take fourth dimension to residual and restore your body'southward balance. That means taking a pause when you're tired and fugitive the temptation to lose yourself by throwing yourself into activities. Avert doing anything compulsively, including working. If you lot're having trouble relaxing and letting down your guard, you may do good from relaxation techniques such as meditation and yoga.

Be smart about media consumption. Avert watching any program that could trigger bad memories or flashbacks. This includes obvious things such equally news reports about sexual violence and sexually explicit TV shows and movies. But you may also want to temporarily avoid anything that's over-stimulating, including social media.

Take care of yourself physically. Information technology's always of import to eat right, exercise regularly, and get plenty of sleep—but fifty-fifty more than then when you're healing from trauma. Practice in particular tin can soothe your traumatized nervous system, salvage stress, and help y'all experience more powerful and in command of your body.

Avoid alcohol and drugs. Avoid the temptation to self-medicate with booze or drugs. Substance apply worsens many symptoms of trauma, including emotional numbing, social isolation, acrimony, and depression. Information technology besides interferes with treatment and can contribute to problems at home and in your relationships.

How to help someone recover from rape or sexual trauma

When a spouse, partner, sibling, or other loved one has been raped or sexually assaulted, it can generate painful emotions and accept a heavy cost on your relationship. You may feel aroused and frustrated, exist drastic for your relationship to return to how information technology was before the assault, or even desire to retaliate against your loved one's assailant. But information technology's your patience, understanding, and support that your loved i needs now, non more than displays of aggression or violence.

Permit your loved one know that you still dear them and reassure them that the set on was not their fault. Cypher they did or didn't exercise could make them culpable in any way.

Allow your loved one to open upward at their own pace. Some victims of sexual assault notice it very difficult to talk about what happened, others may need to talk about the assault over and over again. This tin can make you feel alternately frustrated or uncomfortable. But don't try to force your loved ane to open up or urge them to stop rehashing the past. Instead, let them know that you're there to listen whenever they want to talk. If hearing about your loved i'due south assault brings y'all discomfort, talking to some other person tin can help put things in perspective.

Encourage your loved one to seek assistance, but don't pressurize. Following the trauma of a rape or sexual assault, many people experience totally disempowered. You can help your loved ane to regain a sense of control by not pushing or cajoling. Encourage them to reach out for help, but let them make the final decision. Take cues from your loved 1 as to how you tin can all-time provide support.

Prove empathy and circumspection about physical intimacy. Information technology's common for someone who'southward been sexually assaulted to shy away from physical affect, but at the same time it'southward of import they don't feel those closest to them are emotionally withdrawing or that they've somehow been "tarnished" by the assail. Also as expressing affection verbally, seek permission to agree or bear on your loved one. In the case of a spouse or sexual partner, understand that your loved i will likely need fourth dimension to regain a sense of control over their life and trunk before desiring sexual intimacy.

Take care of yourself. The more than calm, relaxed, and focused you are, the better you'll be able to assist your loved i. Manage your ain stress and achieve out to others for support.

Be patient. Healing from the trauma of rape or sexual assault takes fourth dimension. Flashbacks, nightmares, debilitating fear, and other symptom of PTSD can persist long after any concrete injuries have healed. To learn more, read Helping Someone with PTSD.

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Source: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/recovering-from-rape-and-sexual-trauma.htm

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